On days like today (or should I say yesterday, now that it’s an obscene time of the night), I hate running. Which is a worrying realisation to have, when my training plan for the Cambridge and Berlin half marathons should be in full swing. I don’t always hate running, but the pressure of a training plan, and now a time goal (which I have set myself) are building up, and I think I’m just getting anxious about failing. I read somewhere that failure is one of people’s biggest fears in the modern world, and I think I’m definitely a victim of that. Posts like this came from fear of failure. Leaving things to the last minute and then hoping they turn out as best they can when rushed. That is not how I’m going to achieve my sub 2.15 goal for Berlin. No sir-ee.
Today’s run made me doubt myself completely. Despite Wednesday’s wonderful happy running joy, this one just didn’t cut the mustard. From the beginning everything seemed to be against me. The wind was blowing me over, patches of drizzle served to further dampen my already sour mood, I couldn’t find an even pace so I kept having to stop… it was all just bad. To make it worse, the more I thought about how badly I was running, and how this was not a run on the way to sub 2.15 greatness, the worse the run seemed to get. It wasn’t until I forgot myself, and let my mind drift to my Team Bangs on the Run 2 training, that I slipped into an almost comfortable run. Too bad it was in the last ten minutes as I raced myself home, back to my sofa.
I know that I don’t really hate running. I know that running can be euphoric, exhilarating, and enjoyable. So I’m going to take the advice of a fellow runner, Shameek of Run Dem Crew and get myself back out there. The only way to get over a bad run, is to get out running again.
Let’s make this one a good one.